A LETTER to Averil Kear from Norm Kear (USA).

'Thank you for sending the new material concerning the Bill now before Parliament regarding the Forest of Dean and other forests in the UK.  I have thoroughly reviewed this matter.

'While I may admire your dedication to a cause, I am afraid that you and your friends in HOOF are most definitely on the wrong side of History.  In my view you have totally misunderstood and subsequently maligned a new, progressive government dedicated to the creation of a Britain of which we all may be proud.

'It is quite clear to me that the Bill in question has been carefully crafted to serve as the initial forward step in a long overdue comprehensive programme aimed at  cleansing the United Kingdom of the dreary, worn out cultural impedimentia that has been holding back our nation from its rightful place in world leadership.  By divesting itself of unwanted and unused overgrown wastelands and placing them into the hands of aggressive entrepreneurs for development into future icons of Twenty-First Century cultural advancement our leaders have assured the creation of an international example for the rest of the world.

'Of course, putting the forests to good use is only the beginning.  Our enlightened government will surely soon embark upon an inventory of other outmoded, unneeded, cultural refuse from the past.

'A good example will be castles.  Britain is studded with them – no one lives in them anymore; they are in a terrible state of disrepair; they cost a fortune in maintenance.  They represent, however, a spectacular opportunity.  Yes, Britain's castles are crying out for conversion into condominium and time-share developments!

'In order to continue to invigorate and support the momentum of Parliament's wisdom embraced in the Forestry Bill, I propose the creation of a new national corporation entitled Sell Off Our Resources, or SOOR (pronounced 'sewer').  I implore you and your friends to desist upon your attacks and dismantle HOOF without delay.  Then, flushed with a new spirit and vision of a Britain unencumbered and drained by the worthless relics of a dead past, you may play a vital part in its future.'

– Norm Kear, USA.

PS: Surely, the UK's example will be copied rapidly by other nations.  The USA, for example, offers great opportunities.  Just think what might be done with the Grand Canyon and the National Parks!