A COUPLE of months back I sent you a complementary compilation of my poetry, following your printing of "Requiem" on the culling of the Forest sheep last year.
I just wanted to tell you that the poem "Words" in the compilation has reached the finals of the International Poetry Competition and I have been nominated and invited to attend the induction ceremony of Poet of the Year for 2003 in Washington in August. It is a great honour being chosen from thousands of entries to reach this final.
Unfortunately, I am unable to attend because I am not allowed to fly, and travel by sea is too prohibitive.
A few years ago (1998) I had a sub-arachnoid haemorrhage after two cerebral arteries burst. Diagnosed as terminal brain cancer, I underwent surgery for the removal of a large haematoma, which left me hemi-plegic and half blind. I was told I had less than a year to live – but I am still here! Maybe the 'cancer' went on the love and prayers of my friends (not least those from the Forest) with which I was inundated. Whatever, I am grateful for their love.
It has been a long haul back not helped by the 24-hour nursing of my terminally ill husband who died of cardiomyopathy in 2001, which I did unaided – the much-lauded concept of "help in the community" being non-existent. After this I collapsed with exhaustion and another cerebral haemorrhage brought on by the stress. It has been a tough time and has left me frail and more-or-less housebound. But I come from a seafaring family and high winds and a rough sea mean you just put your head down and keep going, hoping to reach dry land!
So here I am, at 70, finally fulfiling my dream to be acknowledged as a writer, and I wonder how many other women (and men) subjugate their lives in duty and caring for their families? How many others put their hopes, dreams and ambitions on hold because they put their families before themselves?
A man recently said to me that he felt that women did not have the calibre of men to become great writers, artists, scientists or musicians, as there were few in history.
No, they were all caring for their families and men like him, and had not time to indulge their own dreams! I reckon this Forest alone has hundreds of women with that kind of calibre. Unfortunately, they do not get encouragement and stay locked in their own lack of self esteem, unacknowledged by their families or society.
As a teacher I could see it starting in the classroom. At least the modern generation has more chance – although I despaired when I found one college lecturer teaching girls how to cost and make preparations for their wedding. When I asked them if they had considered they would probably be spending the next 60 years of their life with the same man, they were shocked. They were only seeing wedding bells and off into the sunset scenarios!
We all fell for it. Now, at 70, it is taking life up from 17 – hard work but I am delighted to have got so far with my writing. I love the Forest, even if I can no longer walk in it. I love being able to look out over the Severn valley and see that great river far below (if only the boats still plied their trade). I love the people of the Forest from their hard-working, insular stock, whose kindness has sustained me over difficult times. It is a lovely place to live and I hope to stay here until the end.
I hope I win this award and am able to bring its merits to the Forest and encourage others to fulfill their own dreams.