ONE of the delights of the Forest is that the landscape has not been ruined by intrusive major road developments, writes Dave Kent.

The scattered network of minor roads between the A48 (Gloucester to Chepstow) and the A4136 (Over to Monmouth) provides no direct route between 2 of the 3 major towns (Lydney to Cinderford), and may cause some minor inconvenience, but will provide a plethora of scenic opportunities for seeing the Forest. 

Our frequent visits to Tintern never take the same route. 

Sometimes on our way there we drive………

Boy racer: What do you drive?

Forest View: I beg your pardon?

Boy racer: What do you drive? I drive a supercharged new-registration multiple-cam enhanced transmission turbo-geared…..

Forest View: Yawn

Boy Racer: …..high speed platinum-plated power-assisted four-wheel drive on safari veldt-trekker speed mobile. It gives me instant business success, and turns me into a hero. What do you drive?

Forest View: A car.

Boy Racer: No, wise guy. What sort of car?

Forest View (confused): Well, a sort of dirty white one.

Boy Racer (taken aback): Dirty? You mean you don’t valet it every week?

Forest View: Well, I used to take it to a drive-in car wash every week, but I was worried about the bristles ripping the wing mirrors off, so I stopped.

Boy Racer: But you push the wing mirrors in.

Forest View: I never thought of that.

Boy Racer: But you can’t drive around in a dirty car.

Forest View (with unexpected vehemence): I will never squander weekends, or any other time, in washing a car. My vehicle is and will be innocent of chamois.

Boy Racer: How can you hold up your head in society? My sparkling, stylish motor, with its sleek lines and superpowered thrust…..

Forest View: Hey, steady on.

Boy Racer: …. is not just a machine, it’s an accessory, a statement, an affirmation.

Forest View: Look, it’s just a lump of metal.

Boy Racer (uncomprehending): What?

Forest View (emboldened): A car, it’s just a lump of metal to get you from one place to another.

Boy Racer: I don’t understand – doesn’t it give you a sense of pride when you open the bonnet?

Forest View: I don’t open the bonnet – I don’t need to open the bonnet – I don’t know how to open the bonnet.

Boy Racer: You sad person.

Forest View (bravely): Get out!

Boy Racer: I suppose you’re one of those irritating drivers who keeps to the speed limit in Aylburton.

Forest View: Irritating to you but perhaps not to the inhabitants of Aylburton. Read Mark Topping’s column in last week’s Forester promoting 20mph zones in residential areas. In Tintern, as it’s in Wales, there’s already a 20mph limit on the A4136 through the village. Lives saved, fewer casualties, safer walking and cycling.

Goodbye and safe journey.