STUPOT, take note. I recall long, long ago back in the early 70s (when a pineapple chunk topped with a little square of Kraft Cheese Slice impaled on a cocktail stick was the height of culinary fashion... and legwarmers were cool... and people didn't say 'cool', they said 'groovy'), I was in the RAMC stationed at a Field Ambulance unit in Catterick. We were on perpetual 'exercises' then owing to the fact that we weren't actually at war and a Field Ambulance has nothing else to do during peacetime except pretend to be at war. So the Duke of Wellington Regiment was pretending to be at war with some other regiment in Catterick (I forget which). 24th Field Ambulance was there for medical cover along with the RCT providing transport, The Royal Signals providing radio cover and the Catering Corps providing.... well, in our case as it turned out... nothing.

I was attached to a small unit comprising one infantryman from the Duke of Wellies, one radio operator from the Signals... and me. We were driven out to some remote spot in the Dales, dumped and told to pitch a tent and report back on any action observed from our vantage point. The only action we observed was the mating habits of rabbits. I've never been able to shake off the conviction that the real reason we were dumped out in the middle of nowhere was because the three of us were pretty much useless at even looking like soldiers... let alone acting like them. Inside the wagon that took us to the spot were three boxes of 'compo rations' (tinned food), which we purloined  for snacks as we were dependent on supplies being brought to us because we weren't supposed to "give our position away" by cooking (whereas a three-ton chuck wagon delivering precooked meals twice a day would pass unnoticed).

The only real criteria we were given was 'Don't get captured'. We had no intention of getting captured.... those rabbits looked mean as hell but I'm not sure which side they were on. They didn't seem particularly interested in sneaking up on us so my guess is they were neutral. Having nothing else to do, we decided to focus on camouflaging the tent just in case an enemy spy had donned a bunny costume and infiltrated the warren.

Nobody got savaged by a rabbit so my medical prowess wasn't required. Nobody tried to capture us during the five days we were there so the infantryman was kicking his heels. The radio operator, on the other hand, was as busy as hell. At the risk of disclosing state secrets, I'll relate the exchange of messages:

Radio operator: 'Where the hell is the chuck wagon? We're *%@& famished!'

Base: 'Where the hell are you? The wagon's been out twice and can't find you!'

Radio operator: 'Waddaya want, a map reference by radio? We're where you dropped us!'

Base: 'Well, the driver who brought you out has returned to his unit in Bulford and nobody else seems to know where you are. Can't you shoot rabbits or something?'

Radio operator: 'With what? This is an exercise! You can't shoot rabbits with blanks!'

Base: 'Oh yeah. OK. We'll send the wagon out again. If you see it, jump up and down and wave.'

This exchange continued daily for five days. Thank God we nicked the boxes of compo rations! They just about stretched out over the five days we were there entertaining the rabbits (they did seem to enjoy watching us). However, we did discover something we were good at... camouflage.

Which brings me to the point about Freddy Fox: Come on! You're really not putting your heart into this, are you? At the bottom right corner of the Malcolm J. White advert on the same page as the column claiming that Stupot is trying harder?

I did notice that Stupot very cunningly did not include a big red arrow pointing to the ... er... "hidden" Freddy. I'm emailing this so that I won't be pulled out of the hat. Getting a prize for this would be a little like being awarded the Victoria Cross for sitting in a tent eating corned beef for five days for Queen and Country.

However, if Stupot would like a few pointers about camouflage, you know where to find me.... or do you?

PS: Does checking the box indicate that I do object to the information being used on a reader letters page or that I don't object? Anyway, I don't object.

– Ron Tocknell, Lydney.